Thank the LORD for your path, even when it has bumps that seem to high to climb~

Your Journey MOLDS Who You Are & Will Become! I needed to hear this today.

I needed this so bad!

Along this journey I have learned how to be mentally tough and not let the things in my life detour me from my goals, but guess what? I am HUMAN! I have fallen off of track and gained a few pounds back and you know what I did with it? - I let it harp my happiness and control my thoughts about myself! In the blink of an eye, I sabotage the way I feel about myself when I looked at myself in the mirror. I have heard many say, you are SO BEAUTIFUL and YOU HAVE COME SO FAR and DO NOT BE SO CRITICAL of yourself!

Truth is, I realize those things are true, but I also realize I am NOT HAPPY with where I am. I am disappointed that I allowed myself to fall off of track and I feel like a failure! I am a health and wellness coach telling others not to give up and to be strong, yet I am over here caving in! I do not want to look at myself in the mirror and have negative thoughts anymore. I have written affirmations all over the place because I got to a place where I was not happy mentally again. This is NOTHING to do with my personal life and everything to do with my mental health! It is a serious problem that so many are struggling with! I am not sure if it is the fact that I am trying to run a business while taking care of a 2 year old and also being a home school momma while Alexa has so much at home work to do, but I am just mentally exhausted. I eat for comfort. I am a binge eater and I am here being honest so you all reading that are too, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I have AMAZING days, sometimes even weeks and then BAM I fall off and back into old habits. I KNOW it is possible for me to get back on track and do what has gotten me to this point in my journey, the real problem is right now getting my MIND mentally tough again!

This part of the year is always the MOST CHALLENGING because I miss my mother SO MUCH! Another holiday just passed and I cannot help but to feel the empty space in my heart feel even more empty than the year prior. I know right around the corner will be the anniversary of my mother passing (15 years ago) and what would have been her 58th birthday! Also, Thanksgiving and Christmas without her. Just does not seem right! I have not decorated for the last couple of holidays because I have not felt up to it and my daughter says, mom...can we at least decorate for Christmas? - OF COURSE WE CAN LEX is my response to her, but the truth is...this mommas heart hurts SO BAD. Sometimes it is HARD being the positive, uplifting person that I am - because on the inside, I am still very much mourning my mothers passing. I miss her more than words can ever describe. I get to a point where things get a bit better for a couple weeks and then BAM, I fall back into this feeling of sadness. I do a TON of personal development and listen to inspiration and encouragement daily, but in all reality - I am broken on the inside! I want to scream because I feel like the only person that really understands my feelings are my sister and I do not want to stress her with those things because she is super prego and has a ton on her own plate right now. You know the saying...do you ever feel alone in a crowded room? - that is how I could describe it. I will have people surrounding me, but I long to see her and hear her voice. For a long time I could hear her because I could remember, but so much time has passed that her voice has drifted away. I was at the gas station about a month ago and there was a woman there that walked passed me and I about lost it! She smelled like my mother did, her perfume was not one that I remember the name of, but I remember that smell and the emotions just went through my body and I just cannot shake them. Anyway, I am ranting and raving now - bottom line, never take anyone for granted! Give yourself a little Grace. When you feel overwhelmed, don't forget to kneel and ask the Lord to give you some strength, because he is listening - you are never alone! XOXO

Hannah