The day I said YES to me

Get UP and Get MOVING..

Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room?

Have you ever felt like your existence didn't really serve a purpose?

Have you ever felt like you would rather die than be alive?

This has by far been one of the hardest topics to write about, because I know some of my readers are going to be in #shock, many of them likely had no clue of this because I never really told them. I have always been the shoulder to lean on and when anyone had issues, they came to me about them - I didn't go to others with my struggles and my worries because I didn't want to be a burden to them or add to the pile of things they were already facing their self.

Taking me back to this time makes me very emotional because I remember how worthless and helpless I felt. To say I was mentally, physically and emotionally sick is an understatement. I remember laying in my bed until four in the morning with tears rolling down my face because not only had I been in the worst shape of my life, my relationship with my fiance was going down the drain and my lack of #motivation was sickening. I felt like there was no use and I was #helpless. I had tried so many things in the past to be healthier and I tried keeping my relationship spicy, but the #attraction was fading. For anyone that knows me personally, they know that I am not a lazy person. My house is always clean and I normally have my life pretty organized, but at this time in my life - I literally had zero motivation to even drag myself off of the couch. I was at a point where I would not even look at myself in the mirror because I was down right #disgusted with my reflection.

The mind can be a beautiful place, it can also be your worst nightmare. ~Hannah

I can admit to the fact that your brain could be your worst nightmare, I've witnessed it first hand. I was never actually #suicidal and I never tried to hurt myself, but I will say that the thought crossed my mind many nights - like why am I here? why do I even exist? who really wants to be with someone like me? how could I let myself go so bad? how did I gain so much weight? how could I let Aaron down? how could I let my children down? how could I let my family down? how could I let ME down? why am I this way? nobody could ever love someone that is this way. - It was a very dark place to be in for a long time, too long, I really think it was #postpartumdepression - but it was also what my mind believed.

09/17/18: I made a choice to try something different - I spent many nights at 3 and 4 in the morning reading and though I was a skeptic, I had to do something different. To say this system SAVED me, it literally did and I am so thankful! I am such an advocate of health and wellness because more people need to be aware of what they are putting into their bodies.

09/22/18: MY #TURNING POINT - this is the date that I opened my blue box of hope. I started eating better and actually sleeping at night. I had so much energy that I literally started cleaning out closets and #reorganized my basement. I went through all of the tubs downstairs and labeled them. I was being so productive in my day. I decided to be a #promoter because this changed the game for me physically and mentally and I wanted to help others that were stuck too. I started doing daily personal development and to look back now and see how far I have come, I am so stinkin' proud of me! Never let your weight or something that you can control define you and you back, EVER.

True beauty lies on the inside and the scale is just a number! - Just remember that if I could do this, LITERALLY anyone can do this! If you are struggling, have the courage to reach out to someone and ask for help, you are NOT alone. You are here for a reason and God has a plan for you, regardless if you can see it today or not - pray for guidance, and strength, Pray for God to open a door, like I did and it may just be the key that unlocks your prison!